When MAFS Feels Like Too Much: Your Nervous System Isn’t Being “Dramatic” — It’s Recognising Bullying
- Paula Xeni
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
When MAFS Feels Like Too Much: Your Nervous System Isn’t Being “Dramatic” — It’s Recognising Bullying
If you’ve been watching Married at First Sight and feeling your body tense up during certain scenes… you’re not “too sensitive.”
That’s your nervous system responding to bullying dynamics in real time.
Not just the obvious insults either — I mean the subtle stuff:
The group pile-on.
Quiet exclusion.
Smirks and eye-rolls that send the message “you don’t belong.”
Rewriting events to make one person look “crazy.”
Confidence being chipped away bit by bit.
And here’s the part that matters: bullying doesn’t stay on TV.
It shows up in schools, workplaces, families, friend groups — and it can leave the body stuck in fight/flight/freeze long after the moment has passed.
Why your body reacts before your mind can explain it
Bullying isn’t just “hurt feelings.” It’s a threat signal.
Your nervous system doesn’t need the full story to respond — it reads energy, tone, micro-expressions, social hierarchy, and exclusion. If your body has lived through anything similar (even years ago), it recognises the pattern instantly.
That’s why a scene on TV can trigger a real physical reaction:
Tight chest.
Jaw clenching.
Shaking.
Rage.
Going quiet.
Sudden nausea.
That “I need to get out of here” feeling.
This isn’t weakness, It’s intelligence. It’s your system trying to keep you safe.
The invisible side of bullying (the part that can’t always be “proved”)
A lot of bullying lives in the in-between moments — the things that don’t leave obvious evidence: Whispers. Looks. Exclusion. Group chats. The “we were joking” comments that slowly train someone to doubt themselves.
This is why it’s so destabilising. It doesn’t just hurt — it confuses. It makes someone question their reality, their instincts, their worth. And once a person starts doubting themselves, they’re easier to control.
For my daughter, it hasn’t been one comment. It’s been ongoing and relentless.
They call her names, mock her appearance, and use labels to humiliate her. They pick apart things like her school photo or her eating food (she’s not fat — she’s just hit puberty earlier than most of her peers). They’ve yelled at her in person and over the phone. They make jokes about her on social media — despite them not being allowed on social media.
And what’s really scary is the “social strategy” side of it.
Calling other kids outside of school to turn them against her.
Hatching plans to pull friends away.
Isolating her so she feels like she has no one.
She comes home upset and crying, and it spills into everything — her confidence, her mood, her sense of safety.
That’s why I’m so passionate about nervous system regulation and energetic boundaries — because when someone has been targeted like that, “just ignore them” doesn’t work.
The body needs safety, support, and a way to return to itself.
How bullying shows up in the body (especially for kids):
Sometimes you won’t get a neat explanation from a child. You’ll get symptoms.
A child who was once bubbly becomes quiet, snappy, or constantly on edge.
They might avoid school, Complain of headaches or tummy aches, Come home absolutely exhausted from trying to hold it together all day.
This is the body saying: I don’t feel safe.
And the longer it goes on, the more the nervous system stays stuck in survival mode — scanning for danger even when nothing is happening.
A nervous system reset you can do in real time
If you feel that tight chest, shaking, rage, or shut-down feeling, try this:
Name it : “My nervous system thinks I’m not safe.”
Come back to the body.
Unclench your jaw.
Drop your shoulders.
Exhale slower than you inhale.
Anchor into the present.
Feel your feet on the floor.
Look around and name five things you can see.
Remind your system: I am here, and I am safe enough right now.
Protect your energy.
You don’t owe access to people who disrespect you. You don’t have to explain yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you. Get support. Bullying thrives in silence. Regulation and support changes everything.
Energetic boundaries (the piece most people skip).
A boundary isn’t just something you say, It’s something you hold.
If you’re intuitive, empathic, or sensitive, bullying can feel even louder — because you’re picking up the energy behind the words.
Try this:
Hand on heart.
One slow breath in.
On the exhale, say: “Only what’s mine is allowed to stay.”
Imagine everything else sliding off your field like water.
You don’t have to fight every battle.
You just have to stay connected to yourself.
I’m going to start sharing more tools around nervous system regulation and energetic boundaries, because this is far more common than people admit — and people shouldn’t have to “toughen up” to survive it.
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